This was originally in reply to a MAP in distress who felt conflicted between their orientation and their Christian faith.
As a human being and especially as a Christian, we’re all going to be given temptation from time to time. We usually can’t help the temptation that comes our way. Being tempted doesn’t make you evil, doesn’t make you a monster. It makes you human. We’re all tempted whether it’s to steal that watch on the table while your friend isn’t looking, or maybe it’s being tempted to run someone off the road who is being a jerk. Our temptation happens to be acting negatively on our attraction to children.
You seem to be overwhelmingly tested, and you passed the test. You didn’t act negatively upon that temptation. You are not an evil pedophile or a monster.
Even if you had touched her inappropriately, it wouldn’t necessarily make you evil. It means you are human and you messed up. Everyone sins, it’s human nature. It’s how we feel about it afterwards that makes us evil or not. It’s if we try not to repeat those mistakes. Remember, The Apostle Paul was a murderer of Christians, yet he repented and was used for God’s purpose.
I learned in a Bible study (I can’t remember the quoted verses), that our gifts come from our greatest struggles. Instead of seeing your orientation as a struggle, see it as a gift. You love children. Children, especially babies are meant to receive nurture, love, and affection. You probably have more compassion for them. What can you do to make a child’s life better?
There is nothing wrong with holding, cuddling, tickling, and kissing babies and small children. Parents and caretakers do it all the time. If someone left the baby with you, obviously you are perceived as a caretaker for them. Show that child some attention, let her know she is loved. You may be the only one in some child’s life who does.