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Coping with my Influencer Status

When I was a child, my career goal was to be “on TV.” I wanted to be famous, wanted to be a celebrity. Celebrities have it all, live a cool lifestyle, and their voice reaches a wide audience. But I never thought of the downsides of being famous. The constant attention, the scrutiny, the stalkers (hi Seara 👋🏻), and having to maintain a public image.

I know the world doesn’t know me. And I’m not even known by everyone in the MAP community. But since I started my blog, and started proclaiming a message that resonates with many in this community, I’ve become an influencer. And holy crap, I wasn’t ready for it. I suffer from social anxiety. I’m paranoid about just about everyone I meet, at least in the beginning. I’m not sure if that comes from the environment I grew up in or just the general distrust that has been ingrained into the MAP community since well before I joined.

I want to be a minister to the people of this community. That’s my calling. This is what I truly feel happy doing. And to fulfill my calling, I have to overcome my fear and social anxiety. And it’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. And I’m still working on it. I’m not perfect. I oftentimes jump to conclusions and fear the worst of people.

I’m working on me, so I can better serve you. But it takes time. So I ask that you all have patience with me. If I’ve ever come off as paranoid, or standoffish, or have in any way offended you. I ask your forgiveness.

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