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On being out, and the direction of the MAP community.

This was part of a conversation I had with a fellow MAP onĀ  May 24, 2023.

So to be an out MAP, ideally, a lot of things have to line up. You have to make sure you’re safe – safe from vigilante violence, safe in your relationships, and safe in your financial wellbeing.

For me, I have physical protection, my family and friends already knew of my orientation, and I am disabled and unable to work, so I don’t have to worry about losing a job. It all lined up.

To come out, you also want to have a thick skin, because the world will turn on you. You’ll likely be alone, outside of online MAP relationships.

And you should have a reason to come out. Don’t just come out for the hell of it, because the negatives would outweigh the positives. Come out because you’re seriously ready to be a part of public-facing activism. Once you come out, there’s no going back in the toybox. It’s likely your face is gonna be plastered all over Libs of Tiktok, Tucker Carlson, and the like. You have to be ready for that.

Also, make sure you’re as clean as a whistle. You don’t want to be doing anything illegal, or anything that may appear to be illegal. Because as an out MAP, you’re the first one they accuse of wrongdoing. And we don’t need any more sensationalized news stories.

The more of us who come out, and are out, the less they’ll focus on a single person. We have strength in numbers.

As for where the MAP community will go and where I’d like it to go… I think we have the potential to make serious gains in the next 5 to 10 years. But it would take a MAP community who isn’t afraid to put themselves out there. And while I see some progress in that regard, I may have slightly overestimated how ready the MAP community is to assert their freedom. If you haven’t done so already, check out “Our Stonewall is Coming,” a piece I wrote for A MAP In Love. This outlines where I want the community to go, and where I think we have the potential to go.

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