A blog by Katie Cruz
I’ve been working on self-care for the last several months, and I feel like I’ve made a lot of progress. My mental health and even my physical health have improved, and I feel I’m on the right track. Things are finally improving in my life, where I don’t have to worry about surviving and trying
I have a natural disposition for clinical depression. I think it has something to do with my ADD. I get bored. I’m creatively understimulated. There’s all these things that I want to do, yet for whatever reason, I’m unable to. Whether it’s lack of money, health issues, lack of connections, where I reside, or simply
I’m always thinking about Lucy. Even three years after last seeing her. Yesterday, I imagined what if I seen her out at a store? What would she say? What would she do? Did her parents feed her society’s narrative that I’m a monster, and change her opinion of me? Would she avoid me. Would she
I love you so much. I long for you every day and night. You’re my soulmate. My best friend. My lover girl. My queen.
I love you so much. I’ve missed you these last few years. You’re my best friend. I feel safe with you. When we hold each other, I feel like I’m in heaven. And I’d give anything to be there again. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before. You mean the world to me.
This longing hurts. That’s what I’ve done most of my life. Longing for Lucy. Longing for the perfect girl in my head. Longing for whatever little girl I encountered for a brief moment in time. I spend years longing for girls that are out of reach. And what I’m doing now is probably the same.
I wish I could know whether we’ll end up together in the end, or if she’ll move on without me. Without this closure, I’m stuck in limbo, unable to move on, myself. The odds aren’t in my favor. They never are. I hate this.