I’m always thinking about Lucy. Even three years after last seeing her. Yesterday, I imagined what if I seen her out at a store? What would she say? What would she do? Did her parents feed her society’s narrative that I’m a monster, and change her opinion of me? Would she avoid me. Would she come up and hug me, like she always did as a little girl? Would she stand there and talk with me? Would she be ecstatic to see me? Would she just be indifferent? Would it just be a simple nod and smile as we walk by each other?
I’ve always loved her, and shown her respect. I respected her autonomy. But, antis have twisted an innocent friendship into a sinister case of grooming. Would she resent me because of what society and her parents might have told her? Would she be steadfast and assertive in her love for me? Not knowing what she has felt these past three years, and what she may be feeling now weighs so heavily on me.
If I were able to see her, I just want to tell her how much I love her. How much I care about her. How proud I am of her. And that I hope her life is filled with love and happiness going forward, with or without me.